Five parenting myths that science has debunked:
and what actually works
Myth #1: “If my child isn’t listening, I really need to punish them”
Parenting comes with endless advice: much of it well-meaning, some of it confusing, and a lot of it flat-out wrong.
And in the age of social media, myths spread faster than ever.
Here are five of the most common parenting myths, what science says about them, and what you can do instead.
It’s tempting to think that a child who doesn’t follow instructions is being deliberately obstructive. But research shows that most examples of “not listening” are actually more about connection, rather than defiant disobedience.
What the science says:
Children are far more likely to follow directions after they feel emotionally connected. So when a child’s nervous system is overwhelmed or dysregulated, punishment doesn’t teach, it just intensifies the stress.
What to do instead:
Use the Connect/Direct Method:
- Connect with the child at their level — calm voice, eye contact, simple empathy.
- Direct the behavior once they feel safe and heard.
This approach improves co-operation while reducing shouting, power struggles, and tears.
Myth #2: “Tantrums happen because children are spoilt.”
Not so: not even close.
What the science says:
Tantrums are a normal part of brain development. Young children literally don’t have the neurological tools to manage big emotions. Their prefrontal cortex (the control centre for self-regulation) is still under construction, and probably will be until they are in their 20s.
What to do instead:
- Stay calm,
- Keep the child safe,
- Name the emotion (“I can see you’re really angry”) and
- Support them as the wave passes.
Tantrums are not a sign of bad parenting. They’re a sign the child needs help regulating a nervous system that’s still developing.
Myth #3: “Bullying is just part of growing up.”
Bullying is not a childhood rite of passage — and ignoring it does real harm.
What the science says:
Studies from the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Child Mind Institute show that:
- Bullying increases anxiety and depression,
- The effects can last into adulthood, and
- Early intervention dramatically reduces harm.
What to do instead:
If your child is being bullied:
- Validate their feelings,
- Gather details calmly,
- Work with the school, and
- Teach responses (“Stop. That’s not okay.”).
If your child is the bully:
- Stay calm,
- Don’t shame them,
- Help them understand impact, and
- Teach empathy and repair strategies.
Both children need support, not lectures.
Myth #4: “A good parent never gets angry.”
This one heaps guilt on parents for no reason.
What the science says:
All parents get angry.
The difference between healthy and unhealthy parenting isn’t the absence of anger: it’s how you repair afterwards.
Children learn emotional skills by watching our recovery, not our perfection.
What to do instead:
- Acknowledge the emotion (“I got too angry. I’m sorry.”),
- Model calm, and
- Reconnect.
This teaches children that relationships can handle stress and come back stronger — a powerful life skill.
Myth #5: “Parenting should feel natural. If it feels hard, I’m doing something wrong.”
This might be the most damaging myth of all.
What the science says:
Parenting has never been harder than now:
- Families are more isolated,
- Children face more pressure,
- Parents have less support,
- Expectations are higher, and
- Information overload is real.
If parenting feels hard, that means you’re normal, not failing.
What to do instead:
Reach for support rooted in science, not opinion.
Short, clear, evidence-based guidance makes everyday life easier. And helps you parent with confidence instead of confusion.
Final Thought: You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
Parenting is stressful, exhausting, and unbelievably important. And every parent deserves trustworthy help.
That’s why we’ve created The Friendly Professor, a website that launched on January 5th, a place where overwhelmed parents can find science-backed guidance explained simply, kindly, and clearly.
Because when parents feel supported, children thrive.